9 Things You Should Never Say To A Mass Effect Fan


FluffyNinjaLlama / BioWare

The Asari are the Mass Effect equivalent of Star Wars’ Twi’leks, with all the in-universe fetishization that comes along with it. One of the more fascinating aspects about the blue-tiful aliens is that they can mind-meld with any foreign species and use that process to procreate. It’s how they’ve stayed alive for eons. While many Mass Effect players have come to accept the Asari as humanoid space supermodels, their true form might not be as they appear.

If you eavesdrop on a bachelor party on Novaria, you can hear a human, a Turian, and a Salarian debate about why they find the Asari attractive, saying it’s because of how they resemble their own species. This is odd because Turians are basically giant rock birds, and Salarians are gangly gecko-looking dudes. The conversation skirts dangerously close to the possibility that the Asari are mind-controlling other races so that they appear most attractive to them before the group handwaves the notion away to enjoy the merriment of their bachelor party. Personally, I believe Asari are likely weird shape-shifting tentacle monsters, which is fine.

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